2 Mahavishnu

Некий Союз переводчиков России уже есть.

My congratulations on International Translation Day!!!

Памяти, терпения побольше, быстрых переводов, творческого озарения и вообще везения и удачи по жизни ВСЕМ ФОРУМЧАНАМ. Отдельное спасибо создателям Мультитрана за возможность общения в форуме!

Help!
Two translators on a ship are talking.
"Can you swim?" asks one.
"No" says the other, "but I can shout for help in nine languages."

An Insomniac At Night with an Automated Translator
I hit on this page by folksinger Christine Lavin showing the results of automatic translation of some of her song titles to and from a foreign language by the AltaVista automated translation software. For example :
The original song title : Please Don't Make Me Too Happy
To French to English: Please Not Return To Me Too Happy
To German to English: Please To Me Do Not Go Back Too Lucky
To Italian To English: I Pray To Me Not To Go Behind Too Much Fortunate
To Portugese to Eng: I Pray Me Not To Go Too Much Behind Fortunate
To Spanish To Eng: I Request To Me Not To Go Too Much Behind Lucky Perso

Cat and Mouse
A mouse is in his mouse hole and he wants to go out to get something to eat, but he's afraid there might be a big cat outside, so he puts his ear by the opening and all he hears is "Bow Wow" so he thinks, "Well, there can't be a cat out there because there's a big old dog", so he goes out of his mouse hole and is promptly caught and eaten by a cat, who licks his lips and says "It's good to be bilingual !!"

How to Make Money from Translation
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said,
"You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.
As luck would have it, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said, 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

Deadlines
Translator gets 400 words to translate.
Client : How long will it take?
Translator : About a week.
Client : A whole week for just 400 words? God created the world in 6
days.
Translator : Then just take a look at this world and afterwards take a
look at my translation.

The Butchery of English, as 'done' across the world
• In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
• In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
• In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
• In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin shoudl enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
• In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
• In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
• In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
• In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
• In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetry where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
• In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to parambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
• On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave nothing to hope for.
• On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
• In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
• Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
• In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
• Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
• In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
• Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
• In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
• In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
• A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
• In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
• In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by latest Methodists.
• A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
• In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
• In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours we guarantee no miscarriages.
• Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
• On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
• In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
• On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
• Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
• In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today no ice cream.
• In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
• In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for ladies with nutes.
• In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
• On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
• In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
• At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
• In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women an other diseases.
• In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
• In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
• From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
• From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

The top ten misconceptions about translation

10. Anybody with two years of high school language (or a foreign-tongued grandmother) can translate.

9. A good translator doesn't need a dictionary.

8. There's no difference between translation and interpretation.

7. Translators don't mind working nights and weekends at no extra charge.

6. Translators don't need to understand what they're translating.

5. A good translator doesn't need proofing or editing.

4. Becoming a translator is an easy way to get rich quick.

3. Translation is just typing in a foreign language.

2. A translator costs $49.95 at Radio Shack and runs on two 'C' batteries.

And the #1 misconception about translation and translators:

1. That marketing copy that took a team of 20 people two months to put together can be translated overnight by one Person and still retain the same impact as the original.

Так надо пахать

http://www.masterperevoda.ru/verybusy.htm

Забавные переговоры
http://www.masterperevoda.ru/kindtranslate.htm

Убойный синхронный перевод

http://www.masterperevoda.ru/kindtranslate.htm

Кровь - не повод отвлекаться от работы
http://www.masterperevoda.ru/bleeding.htm

Еще более забавные переговоры

http://www.masterperevoda.ru/conversation.ht

В 2008 году Международный день переводчика отмечается под девизом: «Терминология: слова имеют значение».

2 Aiduza & all
А то и по пять капель.

К этим "отельным" и пр. шуткам недавно попадались где-то абсолютно гениальные переводы великого Янко из Врощениц. А сейчас ищу, ищу, весь гугл перерыла - нету.
Янко, может, завалялись где? Порадуйте! )))